Roller coaster

Roller coasters and I have never been what you would call simpatico.  I don't like the feeling of my stomach lunging up and down and all around....don't like the feeling of falling....don't really enjoy the jerks and quick turns.  I'm more of a stay on the ground while watching others screaming their enthusiasm of riding on the roller coaster kind of girl.  These last few months have been what I would call a roller coaster in my emotions.  I haven't been able to be the steady girl I usually am and I was starting to feel somewhat crazy.  I KNOW I'm at the age of menopause but I thought it was mainly about irregular periods and hot flashes, but....oh no...it can involve more than 20 different symptoms.  Amazing!  Women's bodies are so intricate and yet so strong.  I am "feeling" better now that I am realizing I'm not crazy, or experiencing a brain tumor, or any other number of horrible physical conditions that my active imagination has been conjuring up during the last few months.  Verse 14 in Psalm 139 is my new verse for this month..."I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  So I'm back on the ground watching others on the roller coaster and knowing that when I feel like crying non-stop, or screaming at students for not knowing fractions...this too shall pass in this wonderful world of mine.

Starting and Stopping

Starting and stopping...could be a title of my book.  I start so many things and then I stop them and I feel compelled to stop this cycle as it is really starting to annoy me.  I start eating right and then I stop, I start many projects and then I stop, I start thinking a new way then I stop and slip back into my worry-fear prone thinking, and so my pattern continues.  I am doing some spring cleaning and I want to start with my mind.  I believe that what I think about, what I fill myself up with in terms of my thought life, that is what my actions are going to reflect.  If I think worry-fear thoughts then my actions will reflect that.  When I am with a large group or even a small group when I am filled with those thoughts then I am withdrawn, quiet, not confident at all but when I am full of the right way of thinking then I contribute, I am confident that what I am saying is worth something.  Worrying whether someone will like me or accept me, I stop.  Worrying whether or not my project is good, I stop.  Worrying that I won't achieve my goal, I stop.  By coming out of this messy closet called my mind, I want to start the process of cleaning my thinking.  But the fear that I'll fail keeps my closet closed...it is truly a battle.  Let the battle begin!