Procrastination

Today was a day of organizing my unit of study for Colonial Williamsburg. I've been putting it off and now it's due on Saturday. It took most of the day for me to narrow what I had thought was an already narrow topic. Periods of panic alternated with periods of frustration with this tendency I have. I've got a sub for tomorrow and it's the big push to get most of it typed up and copied onto a cd. I'm reminded to learn from my word of the year-dare- and now do! Title of my unit is "Paper + Words= Power".

Last Day of Vacation

Last day of my vacation.  I feel renewed, inspired, ready to go.  In my quiet time today I was reading about God desiring me to live in victory and not fear.  I am starting to see that I have a strong fear that has been controlling my life for far too long.  I have this strong fear of failing, making something worse, imperfect and I'm realizing how I've succumbed to this stifling fear and being stunted in so many areas of my life. Maintaining the "look" of being together perpetuated my fear of trying something, anything new.  My fear of "being rotten at it so don't try and just keep looking/thinking about it" kept me on the outside looking in.  Very lonely and small feeling.  God has been showing me His desires for me.  He desires for me to be powerful, determined, confident in who He has made me to be.  I'm tired of comparing myself and feeling inadequate.  There is no one like me, I am unique, fearfully and wonderfully made so I want to celebrate and glorify God. When I put His work down with insults, comparisons, I am doing the exact opposite.  It is being in God's presence that brings me to the best version of myself not being in the perfect/comfortable circumstances.  "Do not let my heart be troubled and do not be afraid" John 14:27b-dare to trust in Him who made me.

I have decided that my word for the year twenty twelve is DARE.
dare |de(ə)r|
verb ( 3rd sing. present usu. dare before an expressed or implied infinitive without to)1 [usu. with infinitive with or without to ] [often with negative ] have the courage to do something : a story he dare not write down | she leaned forward as far as she dared.2 [ trans. ] defy or challenge (someone) to do something : she was daringhim to disagree | [ trans. ] swap with me, I dare you.3 [ trans. ] poetic/literary take the risk of; brave : few dared his wrath.Dare to believe, dare to achieve, dare to be, dare to change...I am done with being fearful of failing or not being perfect and this is the year to dare to do.  I am excited to see what God has in mind for me this year.  Today I read that His plans are perfect and are all laid out for me.  His ways are too numerous for me to remember but I want to write down as many as I can so that I can remind myself to continue to trust.  I don't need to worry when I go through the tough times, I am being brought through those times with Him leading the way.  I want to do something, dare rather than sitting and watching...so come on 2012...let's get started doing.

Goals

Our Christmas was taken to a whole new level this year with the initiation of homemade Christmas.  It inspired me to actually see an idea and to see it come to fruition with all the opening of the gifts.  I was thrilled to see the creativity of my kids.  One of my goals for 2011 was to be more creative and sometimes I need to make myself have pressure to get myself to actually put feet to my goals hence the idea for homemade Christmas.  Now it has increased my desire to continue to explore my creativity.  I had a big aha moment before I even started doing all the Christmas gifts...I realized I was scared to start. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to produce a perfect enough product.  God has been showing me that He looks at me with acceptance without me doing anything.  I can't do anything to earn his love, his acceptance, and His desire for me is to accept who He has made me to be.  We are all wonderfully made and it is becoming more real to me that I need to have a better foundation of who I am in God's eyes.  Being creative and expressing that creativity through gifts that are made seemed to unlock a door in my heart.  I am excited to see God continue to work in me, pushing me to be free from fear.  Goals for 2012 include being free from financial burdens, weight burdens, and being free from the burden of being someone God hasn't made me to be.