Report Cards

It's that time of year to give out grades to students. We've been in school for 60ish days and both parents and students want to know how they're doing. I was thinking this morning after reading Philippians 1:1-11 that everyone will be given a report card at the end of their life. Progress reports can be useful tools and I feel as though God gave me one today in my quiet time. I'm reminded to be in the word so that my love will abound more and more with knowledge and discernment so that I can approve or know what is pure and blameless. I am not always making the best choices; what I eat, thoughts I think, how i use my time. This challenges me...if i were to receive a report card today...what areas would be marked "needs improvement"?

It's been too long since I've written anything but....I do think about this blog often.  I'm pretty much blaming having a combo class for everything in my life that's not getting done so I'll blame not blogging on that too.  When I first decided to do a blog I knew this would happen but instead of giving up like I thought I would I'm coming back to my blog and nurturing it with some more words. It's liberating to me to write. Writing gets it out of my head and puts in front of me in black, white and all shades in between.  I had the best summer and my school year is up and running.  Last Friday was my first non meltdown Friday so I'm making progress.  I now have so much empathy for teachers of combo classes and my ego has been taken down a couple of notches which is always good.
Last night mike and I babysat for a young couple and their 3 adorable kids.  They were so good and it was good practice for when we hit the grandparent chapter.  It struck me that it doesn't really matter the size of a home, no matter if its a mansion or a 1 bedroom apartment, as long as the home has love, laughter, honest communication...the children will be just fine.  So often I define myself by the stuff in my life and what I do with that stuff.  I think I'm still learning I am more than stuff and what my kids got from Mike and I was more than stuff.  Stuff makes our lives more comfortable but it could also bring more complications too.  I'm thankful that we raised our kids where we did, we have the love, laughter and honest communication still in our home and I'm truly content in our home.
It's good to be back!

Whew!  It has been a busy spring.  I have neglected this space but I am always thinking about it, which is kind of what I do in a lot of areas in my life.  Today I read something along the lines of...if you are constantly ingesting good information but never digesting it, it isn't really doing anyone any good.  I am really good at ingesting information...I love it actually but the doing or digesting is more difficult for me.  I printed off a poster this week that I am putting in my creative room and it says "what you create doesn't have to be perfect".  I am not sure where this tendency of perfection comes from...I wouldn't classify my parents as being perfectionistic but they were very critical of everything around them.  Perhaps I transferred their criticalness into thinking I needed to be as perfect as I could be so I wouldn't be criticized.    I do know I H A T E criticism and will do anything to avoid it.  So now that I have ingested more insightful information, what will I do with it?  I need to put feet to my words/thoughts.  I have 5 more days of school and then I will have a good chunk of time to DO.  I want to be thinner when I start school in August, I want to have created items by knitting, embroidering, and scrap-booking, I want to continue to foster friendships by doing fun things with friends, and I want to be free to be who God has created me to be.  This is the summer of Doing!  So excited to start...but first I need to research/think a bit more! :-)

Roller coaster

Roller coasters and I have never been what you would call simpatico.  I don't like the feeling of my stomach lunging up and down and all around....don't like the feeling of falling....don't really enjoy the jerks and quick turns.  I'm more of a stay on the ground while watching others screaming their enthusiasm of riding on the roller coaster kind of girl.  These last few months have been what I would call a roller coaster in my emotions.  I haven't been able to be the steady girl I usually am and I was starting to feel somewhat crazy.  I KNOW I'm at the age of menopause but I thought it was mainly about irregular periods and hot flashes, but....oh no...it can involve more than 20 different symptoms.  Amazing!  Women's bodies are so intricate and yet so strong.  I am "feeling" better now that I am realizing I'm not crazy, or experiencing a brain tumor, or any other number of horrible physical conditions that my active imagination has been conjuring up during the last few months.  Verse 14 in Psalm 139 is my new verse for this month..."I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  So I'm back on the ground watching others on the roller coaster and knowing that when I feel like crying non-stop, or screaming at students for not knowing fractions...this too shall pass in this wonderful world of mine.

Starting and Stopping

Starting and stopping...could be a title of my book.  I start so many things and then I stop them and I feel compelled to stop this cycle as it is really starting to annoy me.  I start eating right and then I stop, I start many projects and then I stop, I start thinking a new way then I stop and slip back into my worry-fear prone thinking, and so my pattern continues.  I am doing some spring cleaning and I want to start with my mind.  I believe that what I think about, what I fill myself up with in terms of my thought life, that is what my actions are going to reflect.  If I think worry-fear thoughts then my actions will reflect that.  When I am with a large group or even a small group when I am filled with those thoughts then I am withdrawn, quiet, not confident at all but when I am full of the right way of thinking then I contribute, I am confident that what I am saying is worth something.  Worrying whether someone will like me or accept me, I stop.  Worrying whether or not my project is good, I stop.  Worrying that I won't achieve my goal, I stop.  By coming out of this messy closet called my mind, I want to start the process of cleaning my thinking.  But the fear that I'll fail keeps my closet closed...it is truly a battle.  Let the battle begin!

Molly

Tomorrow is the day I take Molly in for a consultation to determine why she's not been her usual self. I'm afraid it may be a tumor and I'll have a decision to make. She's been a pure delight the last 11 years. I love her and she's still my puppy so I'll find out the facts tomorrow and hopefully make the right choice.

Saturday

Today is my day to go do something I've been excited about since I signed up...learning to make cheese. Yesterday I went to Stitches and felt inspired to keep creating with yarn, fabric and today I'm enlarging my knowledge base of creating something that is edible. I'm taking the class from Happy Girl Kitchens which is an organic food preservation based business. I'm going to Pacific Grove which should be beautiful today. I'm thinking about this quote from Lysa Terkeurst and she said "Indeed, what we fix our attention, heart, and mind on is what we'll worship. What we worship becomes magnified. And what is magnified will consume us and perpetuate more and more worship." I want to fix my attention on the Creator of creativity. Today is the day, this is the moment...let's get started.