What's been going on?

I have been absent for awhile but today I'm back.  Yesterday was my last day of radiation treatment for breast cancer and I awoke this morning with the determination to not do that again EVER again. As I've written before I struggle with my excess weight and I know that I'm supposed to be thinner but I hadn't fully committed to losing it.  For the longest time it's been more about vanity than health and now I can truly say with all my heart it's more about health than vanity.  When I look in the mirror I see a disfigured breast but it's going to be healthy again.  I see an overweight body but it has been strong and it will heal and I will feel better again. Health, the feeling of being able to do whatever I want and feel good while I'm doing it, is huge. I didn't realize how I had been healthy for so many years but I focused how "unhealthy" I looked and would then beat myself up so much because of a number on the scale.  Now I don't feel healthy and I don't like that more than I don't like the number and this is one thing this whole episode of cancer has shown me. After I received the news in April, I sought comfort from food and discovered how I've run to food for comfort pretty much my entire life.  It's offers momentary comfort with long term consequences. I really believed for a time that I caused the cancer but I can see now cancer strikes everyone, it has no rhyme or reason. It strikes the thin and fat, smokers and non-smokers, vegetarians and meat eaters, and everyone in between. But...there are things I do that puts myself into a higher category of it happening to me. I've had it once and I don't want it again. I have decided against the drug tamoxifen which the doctor wanted me to take to prevent it from coming back but I believe I need to change my diet and move consistently to prevent it from coming back. I don't want to go the drug route and after reading everything I can get my hands on, I am confident by adding key herbs and foods to my diet I can boost my immune system to strengthen my body's ability to kick these abnormal cells to the curb! Writing is another way for me to process all of this so I'm hopeful to write on my little blog more.  I want to grow and be healthy once again, I want what I believe to be reflected in my actions, I want the picture of the me in my head to match the image I see in the mirror.  It's a new day...let's get this started!

What...another post?

They say practice makes perfect...but I've also read that if you practice the wrong thing, it establishes a bad habit. I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others. I've practiced it for a long time and I am tired of this annoying habit so I'm done practicing that. My new goal/focus is to practice putting truth into my thoughts, meditating on how God sees me, who He created me to be.  

I also want to practice writing so I'm hoping to make time to post more often.  It's helpful to have time off to practice.  

Portions

Happy vacation dance is going on right now...but first I needed to get something right this morning.  Yesterday I over indulged in the valentines candy that I brought into the house. I wasn't hungry, I was reluctant to get started on some grading I needed to do, I was home by myself, so I indulged again and again. I wanted to throw it away but I didn't, so I ate it.  I hid it and when I woke up this morning, I felt condemned, defeated before I even got out of bed today.  Not a good way to start my time off.  One discipline I'm getting better at is reading God's word every morning so today I did my reading and then felt like I needed to read the book "Made to Crave". I chose the chapter called overindulgence and the scripture was Lamentations 3:22-24, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him."

Immediate confession of yesterday and forgiveness flooded my soul. I believe and have believed the lies of the enemy for so long, but I am encouraged that the Holy Spirit will continue to point out the lies to me and that I can have truth in my mind and heart.  Portion control is essential for my goal of losing weight, and when I overindulge in those portions I can learn from it and His mercies are new every morning. I am desiring new patterns that reflect God's truth and promises in my mind, not the lies of the enemy. It is indeed a new day so let my time off begin...let's clean this house! 

Made to crave

2 My soul yearns, even faints,
    for the courts of the Lord;
my heart and my flesh cry out
    for the living God.

Psalm 82:4

Putting and keeping God's word in my mind, heart and soul is the habit that will continue to increase my love for Him and correct the relationship with my friend, food. For too long food has been my comforter, companion, always there but never really satisfying.  What I've noticed is that it's so temporary...the comfort only lasts for a short time and nothing of real value comes from it.  I yearn, crave a longer lasting relationship with the almighty God who created me.  Getting His perspective on who I am in Him is helping me to fix the relationship with food.  Food is necessary as that's how God created me but God desires for me to be free from the lust of my eyes, pride of my flesh, and boasting.  Only through His word and spirit can this be accomplished. Thankfully it's a day by day journey and I'm excited to be on it.

First Sunday

So many questions on how to blog...how do I connect things to my blog? How do I gather followers? How do I make the blog visually appealing? Ultimately my deepest question is...Am I adequate enough to write what people can connect with? Hubby asked me one time why do I want to blog and my answer at the time was to get better at writing and seeing it on the World Wide Web is kind of cool! Those are still my reasons but now I've also been listening to my heart and I want to encourage, to be an encourager to others. I'm not sure what that looks like but I'm thinking I can do that through this blog.  Sometimes I feel like I'm late to the party but I'm excited to see what God does, He may grow this blog or He may lead me in another direction.  Now I just need to keep listening and watching!

1-4-14

Today I woke up with my new friend...headache.  For the last three weeks I keep waking up with it. It hurts and it can make me feel grumpy.  I also woke up thinking I've only got two days then school starts again, feeling ungrateful and pessimistic.  I made my coffee and sat down to read the Word and the extraordinary happened...my attitude shifted.  My new thought...I have another new day to see what God wants to show me.  He wants to do great things for me, through me and it's my job to be ready.  He has put desires on my heart and I believe He will work His purpose out for His good will.  "Amazement seized them all and they glorified God and were filled with awe saying ”we have seen extraordinary things today." Luke 5:26 

I want to see the extraordinary in today! 

Word for 2014

My word for this year is "deep". It started coming to me early last month while reading. I want to go deeper in my relationships with my family and friends...causing growth in our passions, I want to go deeper in my habits of eating right and moving more, I want the truth of God's word to go deeper in my heart, and I want to go deeper in my student's learning and understanding as well as my own. Ephesians 3: 17-19 are the verses I want to memorize and live this year, "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."